The Three Purposes of Effective One-on-Ones
Many leaders view one-on-ones as simple status updates or casual check-ins. But the most effective managers understand that these regular conversations serve three distinct and powerful purposes that drive both individual growth and organizational success.
Relationship Building
Creating psychological safety and trust that enables honest communication and vulnerability.
Coaching
Providing guidance, removing obstacles, and helping team members develop new capabilities.
Feedback
Offering specific, actionable insights that accelerate growth and performance.
When all three elements are present, one-on-ones transform from administrative burdens into engines of development.
A Repeatable One-on-One Template
Connection (5-10 minutes)
Begin with genuine connection before diving into work topics. This isn’t small talk—it’s relationship building.
- How are you doing—really?
- What’s energizing you lately?
- What’s one thing outside of work you’re excited about?
Progress & Priorities (10-15 minutes)
Review progress, discuss obstacles, and align on priorities. Focus on insights, not status updates.
- What progress are you most proud of?
- Where are you feeling stuck?
- What support do you need from me?
Development (10-15 minutes)
Focus on growth, learning, and career development. This is where coaching happens.
- What skills are you working to develop?
- What feedback would help you grow?
- What opportunities would you like to explore?
Action Items (5 minutes)
End with clear commitments from both sides. Document who will do what by when.
- What are your key priorities before we meet next?
- What specific actions am I taking to support you?
- What should we follow up on in our next conversation?
Questions That Unlock Insight
The quality of your one-on-ones depends on the quality of your questions. Here are powerful questions that go beyond surface-level conversation to unlock genuine insight and growth:
For Reflection
- What’s been most challenging about this past week?
- Where do you feel you’re making the most impact?
- What part of your role energizes you the most?
- What’s one thing we should stop doing as a team?
For Growth
- What skill would make the biggest difference in your effectiveness?
- What feedback have you received that was difficult to hear?
- What’s one area where you’d like more coaching from me?
- How could you approach this challenge differently?
“Meetings between managers and employees shouldn’t be conceived as a necessary evil but as the most important productivity tool at your disposal.” — Andy Grove, former CEO of Intel
The One-on-One Health Scorecard
How healthy are your one-on-ones? Use this scorecard to assess and improve the quality of your conversations:
Research consistently shows that the quality of one-on-ones directly correlates with:
- Higher retention rates — Employees who have regular, meaningful one-on-ones are 67% less likely to be disengaged
- Increased engagement — Teams with effective one-on-ones score 27% higher on engagement surveys
- Faster development — Regular coaching conversations accelerate skill acquisition by up to 40%
Common Leader Mistakes
The Status-Only Trap
Focusing exclusively on project updates and task lists rather than development and relationship building.
The Cancellation Cycle
Repeatedly rescheduling or canceling one-on-ones, signaling they’re your lowest priority.
The Monologue Manager
Dominating the conversation rather than listening and asking powerful questions.
The Unprepared Participant
Showing up without an agenda or reflection, wasting valuable connection time.
One-on-One Journaling for Self-Awareness
Journaling before and after one-on-ones dramatically increases their effectiveness. Consider these prompts:
Before the One-on-One
- What’s the most important topic we need to discuss?
- What feedback do I need to deliver?
- What might be on their mind that I’m not seeing?
- How can I create safety in this conversation?
After the One-on-One
- What did I learn about them today?
- What patterns am I noticing?
- How engaged were they in the conversation?
- What should I follow up on next time?
Reflective Prompt:
“What’s not being said in my one-on-ones?”
Often the most important topics are the ones beneath the surface. Create space for these conversations by directly asking: “What haven’t we discussed that we should?”
Asynchronous One-on-One Alternatives
While live conversations are ideal, asynchronous one-on-ones can be effective when schedules don’t align:
Shared Documents
Create a shared doc with structured sections for updates, questions, and action items that both parties update before discussing.
Video Messages
Exchange short video messages that preserve tone and nuance while allowing flexibility in timing.
Voice Notes
Send voice memos for complex topics that are better explained verbally but don’t require immediate response.
Co-Ownership: It’s Not Just Your Meeting
The most effective one-on-ones are co-owned, with both manager and team member taking responsibility for their success:
Manager Responsibilities
- Creating psychological safety
- Providing specific feedback
- Removing obstacles
- Connecting work to purpose
Shared Responsibilities
- Setting the agenda
- Tracking action items
- Scheduling consistency
- Being fully present
Team Member Responsibilities
- Coming prepared with topics
- Sharing challenges openly
- Asking for needed support
- Driving development goals
One-on-One Meeting Prep Checklist
Before Every One-on-One
For Managers:
- Review notes from previous one-on-ones
- Note specific recognition for recent work
- Prepare feedback with specific examples
- Identify potential growth opportunities
- Consider what coaching would be most valuable
For Team Members:
- Update progress on previous action items
- List current challenges or blockers
- Prepare questions about priorities or direction
- Reflect on recent learnings and growth areas
- Consider what support would be most helpful
UpMeridian can help by sending timely nudges and reminders to both managers and team members, ensuring one-on-ones stay on track and focused on growth.
In Summary
Effective one-on-ones are the heartbeat of great leadership. They build trust, accelerate development, and create the psychological safety needed for teams to thrive. By focusing on relationship, coaching, and feedback—and avoiding the status-update trap—you transform these conversations from administrative burdens into powerful drivers of growth.
Your challenge this week:
Try one new deep question in your next one-on-one.