The Challenge of Difficult Messages
Every leader eventually faces the moment: delivering news that will disappoint, upset, or even devastate the recipient. Whether it’s layoffs, performance concerns, project cancellations, or budget cuts, how you deliver bad news can either strengthen or severely damage trust.
The key lies in what we call “honest empathy” — balancing uncompromising truth with genuine care for the person receiving the message.
The Four Approaches to Delivering Bad News
Brutal Honesty
Truth without compassion.
”Your performance is unacceptable and you need to improve immediately or we’ll have to let you go.”
Honest Empathy
Truth with genuine care.
”I need to share some difficult feedback about your performance. I’m concerned about these specific areas, and I want to support you in addressing them.”
Avoidance
Neither truth nor care.
”Things are fine. Let’s just focus on the next project.” (While planning to replace the person)
Ruinous Empathy
Care without truth.
”You’re doing great! Just a few minor things to work on…” (When major improvement is needed)
Only honest empathy preserves both truth and relationship.
Phrasing That Builds Trust in Difficult Moments
For Layoffs
Instead of: “The company has decided to eliminate your position.”
Try: “We’ve had to make the difficult decision to eliminate several positions, including yours. This is due to [specific business reason], not your performance. I want to walk through what support we have in place for you.”
For Performance Issues
Instead of: “Your work isn’t meeting our standards.”
Try: “I’ve noticed gaps in [specific areas] that we need to address. I believe in your ability to improve, and I want to create a plan together to help you succeed.”
For Project Cancellations
Instead of: “We’re killing this project.”
Try: “Despite everyone’s best efforts, we need to redirect resources away from this project due to [specific reason]. I want to acknowledge all the valuable work you’ve done and discuss how we’ll apply those learnings going forward.”
The Recovery and Regrouping Process
Before
- Prepare thoroughly
- Anticipate reactions
- Choose private setting
- Have support resources ready
During
- Be direct but compassionate
- Allow for emotional response
- Listen more than you speak
- Acknowledge the impact
After
- Follow up personally
- Provide ongoing support
- Reinforce the path forward
- Check in on wellbeing
“People may forget exactly what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel, especially when receiving difficult news.”
Why Trust Survives Bad News
When delivered with honest empathy, even the most difficult messages can preserve and sometimes strengthen trust. This happens because:
- People value authenticity over false positivity
- Respect deepens when difficult truths are handled with care
- Transparency about the “why” reduces uncertainty
- Offering support demonstrates genuine concern
In Summary
Delivering bad news is a leadership skill that can be developed.
By balancing uncompromising truth with genuine care, you can maintain trust even in the most challenging conversations.
Remember: it’s not just what you say, but how you say it that determines whether trust breaks or strengthens in difficult moments.
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